Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jersey's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
12:25 pm	obladi oblada I'm bored.  I'll tell everyone a story. We were in Reading like a week ago.  We go there now and usually hang out at Jesse's brother Todd's.  Well we did since summer.  Then at one party this girl from the neighborhood just shows up... and drinks and mingles and takes my friend Jimmy home with her... so we lose him for over 10 hours.  She wasn't exactly my favorite person, but no real complaints other then stealing my friend and almost getting him left in Reading PA.... Then she comes for the next party.  Then she moves into his house.   For like 2 months  don't see or hear from Todd... my messages go mostly unanswered... and I sort of get the idea it's because of Becky...  Then comes the phone call that she left.  Todd was so upset... she totally screwed him financially and emotionally.  We go visit him the first chance we get and like a dog in heat, Becky must've sniffed out the beer... and there she was at the door and there she was in the kitchen popping open a beer and making herself at home at 4 am in her pj's. I walked into the kitchen and she says: Becky; hey bonnie long time, no see Me:  yeah Becky: I like you're earrings... Me: oh really?  do you like THIS and then Becky gets punched in her face... after she falls to the floor she gets up and lunges at me.  Then my sister appears from no where and body checks me out of her way and takes a couple blows to Becky's face. ... Now... I've been beat up before.. and I didn't hit back.  The fight was senseless and over nothing... but this girl really hurt my friend and caused him to not see us for too long of a time. So she leaves like anyone who just got beat up by the Walsh sisters should... then she comes back... like any brainless person would.  She tries to smooth things over with me... and I listen... and then she asks for a hug... and I did what anyone would do.  Punched her in the face again... So... after I get physically removed and thrown into the living room Becky takes her consolation prize...a few of the beers I brought for Todd.  So then Jesse rips them out of her alcoholic grip and hides them where she can't reach.  Literally where she can't reach... like a child. Honestly... are people completely stupid OR what.  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
1:53 pm	rod taught me ho to play chess at beans two years ago. haha.  There's your shout out Rod Kim!! Okay I'm just writing something because my livejournal told me to.  I know my livejournal friends absolutely miss my guts.  Probably not but we can pretend. So Bonnakuh was over with last week.  We had a grand finale on the 29th at LeAnna's.  My sort of dude brought his dj equipment and rocked the party.  Then yelled at me the entire way home... the spark of the argument was apparently that it's not kosher to sleep on bar floors.   Okay... let me tell you THIS... the party was over and only a couple local people were there.  It's my damn bar... (I don't own it but back in the day they probly should've charged me rent) Anyway... I was tired and he wouldn't let me in the car yet... so I calmly walked over to the pool table by his dj station and curled up and took a nappy nap while he cleaned up.  What is so wrong with THAT!?  Now picture my friends... Bonnie dressed as Jaye stated "the dead princess whore" as she ripped my dress telling me to show cleavage.... napping under a pool table.  It's my birthday I'll sleep where I freakin want to!! Other then that... everything was fine I suppose.  My friend John dressed up as ME... complete with big sunglasses, and choppy blonde wig, a shirt with the top cut off that said "Johnny Cash". a drawn on JC in a heart on his chest.... and of course for the real clincher... drank black sparks through a straw all nite and claimed it was his 21st birthday and his name was billie jean.... AMAZING. hahahaha. So last nite my sorta dude and I went out for sushi... well I did... he had chicken... and I had philly roll and some wine... then we went out to Adelphia's and I spilled my entire long island (my first drink!) all over my dress.... then we left.  Then we fought.  Then I punched him.  Now I'm pretty sure he hates my existance. You win some you lose some. I'm doing a good job at losing a lot.  Still not working ... going to another doctor for the knee might have to have surgery...SUCKS REAL BAD.   i want it to be over with and I want to be on my way to california. that's that. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 17th, 2007
2:31 pm	I am the champion, my friends... Ok party people... Ever since I was a little girl, my dad always played chess.  The only way I knew how to play was to just make the pieces into characters and make up stories.  I never knew how to play the game, but I always wanted to learn and play against my dad. He tried several times to show me where the pieces moved, but I was too little to comprehend and remember ... that and it all just seemed too complicated, so I stuck to checkers. I learned how to play like two summers ago, I learned at Bean's and it became my favorite thing to do.  I was pretty bad though, I could only beat my ex boyfriend, cuz he's dumb... and once in a while I'd play the same person so many times in a row they'd get tired and I'd win by default. I'm getting better now... I play against my friends online since my sister, one of my best friends, and my boyfriend all left me... I tend to be bored.  Today is father's day as you all probably realize.  On Dad's birthday and father's day I like to play board games with him and just hang out, ya know? So I suggested chess today.  He made fun of me the entire time about how quickly I'd lose... etc etc...  This day was different... the match was longer then usual... and when I moved my queen to take one of his players ... I realized... he couldn't move ANYWHERE... I WON I WON I WON!! I'm seriously the most excited person in the world right now.   Now let's say a little note about Pops... My dad is my hero... honestly that's so cliche' but it's so true.  Even though he'll never read this I'm going to thank him for a few things... Thank you for being my buddy when I was growing up, for taking me fishing, crabbing, camping, to Grandmom Walsh's down the shore.  You were my best friend.  Thank you Dad, for singing all those Frank Sinatra and Johnny Cash songs when I was growing up, Thank you for forcing me to listen to the oldies station which quickly became my favorite type of music, thank you for coming to EVERY nite of the dumb school play and cheering the loudest,  thank you for always making me laugh.  Thank you, Daddy, for always teaching me to stand up for myself example: when I was 8 years old and that boy wouldn't let me down the slide... you famously said "tell him to drop dead".  Thank you for teaching me values and about God and forgiveness.  Thank you for showing me that good guys really DO exist.  Thank you for asking the pizza guy to go to prom with me... no wait... I'm not so thankful for that.  Thank you... for being at every basket ball game, helping me with every school project, building the set when I was in colorguard, being at every competition, for the rides to whatever the latest interest was... for the long talks... for understanding things that no one else did.  Oh there's so much more... I think you get the idea. I love Bill Walsh... Current Mood: ecstatic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
11:41 am	Bonnie Walsh has the worst ideas ever a word to the wise Ok friends I have so pointers to give to you... to make sure you all stay well and healthy and out of camden at a speakeasy... Remember the previous blog about how I'm not sure I've stayed "un-dead" the past 26 years of my life?  ... we've hit a new breaking point... Let me just start out with an opening statement of how no one should ever listen to anything I say when I'm drinking...  I think I have the BEST ideas, and I'm usually fortunate in the fact I have good friends around that protect me from myself.  No one usually follows my plans of action, unless I become unbearable and the plan couldn't lead to that much danger.  One of my favorite author's Laurie Notaro talks about the 12 steps of drinking... somewhere toward the last step it is the drinkers life goal to get ONE MORE drink.  You will do anything you have to do to complete this mission... Flashback to last Thursday nite.  We went to main street bar... We as in .. Myself, Jon (my bf), John Turin, Emily, Dance Party Sam, Steve, Nick, and FlashDance (ben) showed up later.  I didn't want to go, my boyfriend left Sunday for Hawaii and I wanted to spend time with him Dance Party and Nick...time not at a bar.  I lost.  We went. Then we were supposed to go to Ben's but instead we go to Denny's... and Jake Matthews is there?  (I'm not really sure how he became a part of the equation).  Anyway, I didn't want to be there... I went outside to smoke a cigarette and John Turin pulled up... I convinced him it was a GREAT idea to go "down the street" to another bar and get ONE MORE BEER... where was this mystical bar down the street?  I have no clue.  It also didn't bother me too much that it was 1:57 am. I was smart... I had the best idea... I had a partner in crime... I was being slick and crafty... RUN TO THE CAR... JUMP IN ... TAKE OFF... I can't be stopped!!!! Then I see Steve running around screaming to turn the lights on.  Apparently John was a little el drunko as well. We never find a bar.  We find Camden.  We take the exit to turn around, but have we forgotten... I NEED a beer.  I stop and talk to a nice stranger named Tony (later changed to Tony the crackhead).  I tell him... we're lost... I need a beer and I have to pee really bad.  So he informs us about Jo Jo Wilcox's "speakeasy"... and as I go to a dark alley in the depths of Camden to pee... Tony the crackhead goes to a nice window of a nice crack house and gets me a nice little can of beer already opened equipped with a brown paper bag. I drink this... and demand another... It doesn't cross my mind until around 6 am in the morning why the HELL I thought this was a good idea... and why the HELL John let me do it. Oh wait... 6 am... why was I up pondering?  Because... from Camden we ended up in Philly... from Philly we ended up in Trenton... from Trenton we ended up in Princeton and decided to go back and forth between those to lovely cities for a few hours.  We didn't return to Maryland until 8:30 am... I missed the whole nite of hanging out with my gorgeous bf and my two friends... because I needed to get a beer from a speakeasy... the fun doesn't end there folks... there's me escaping out of John's car while he's getting gas and crossing several highways looking for a store that was open for cigarettes... in nylons and no shoes.  There's me decided I have to throw up and hanging out of the window... there's me climbing through John's window to get back in the car... There's John screaming "Oh my GODS" over and over throughout the trip... there's the 11 missed phone calls from my boyfriend who thought I was dead because we had the ringer off... there's the little cat that was wondering around Tony the Crackhead...  There's the flashing of truck drivers to keep ourselves awake... there's passing Sesame Place signs a hundred times... and coming upon a sign to New York... there's the point where I realize we're not getting back for hours and burst out in tears and try to climb out of the window, only to be pulled back in by my neck... All of this may have been a lot funnier if my boyfriend wasn't moving away and I didn't just waste one of the last nites with him... Hell, ok it still is a little funny. Moral of the story... NEVER GO ALONG WITH MY GREAT IDEAS! Current Mood: impressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
4:12 pm	breathe it in and breathe it out.. Last person who.... 1. Slept in your bed: besides me? Phoenix way long ago 2. Saw you cry:  Jon 3. Made you cry: Jon 4. You went to the movies with: Ben Amber Paul 5. You went to the mall with: Amber Rae Have You ever... 1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yea I just said it to my dog today actually... and hell if I didn't mean it 2. Got in a fight with your pet: my gerbil escaped and every afternoon at this time he comes out and taunts me... and flees quickly when I move... we will fight... oh we will. 3. Been to California: this summer hopefully 4. Been to Mexico: i worked with mexicans 5. Been to China: no 6. Been to Canada: no 7. Been to Europe: no 8. Danced naked: um no 9. Wish you were the opposite sex: never Random.. 1. Do you have a crush on someone: hell no 2. What book are you reading now: Love Walked In 4. Future KIDS names: don't fuckin know 5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: my big red bear 6. under your bed:nothing. 7. Favorite sport to watch: i dont get it. 8. Location: home 9. Piercings/Tattoos: yup 10. Do you drink: that sure is an understatement 11. What are you most scared of: scary movies and demons. 12. Where do you want to get married: probably my church 13. Who do you really hate: nobody  14. Do you have a job: yea, do I work at it ... no 15. Do you like being around people: my favorite thing to do 17. Have you ever cried: nope I have no feeligns 18. Are you lonely right now: bored 19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: Party like a rockstar 1. Been in love: see the aformentioned statement about having no feelings 2. Played strip poker: that time in ocean city that katie mentioned 3. Gotten beaten up: hahah yes.  4. Done an all nighter: I did an all weeker once 5. Been on radio/tv: I was on TRL once 7. Do you have any gay/lesbian/bi friends: yes. yes. and yes. In the last 24 Hours have you... 1. Cried: no 2. Bought something: I bought a sparks last nite 3. Gotten sick: yea and it was spaghetti.... el grosso. My stomach sucks today 4. Sang:of course. 5. Been kissed: no my bf is away 6. Had sex: nope 7. Felt stupid: when the tiny assistant at therapy stretched my leg instead of joe the guy that usually does it... and since my leg is longer then her she had to climb on the bed with me... yeah.. 9. Missed someone: yes 10. Hugged someone: lisa probly (Comment on this)
3:22 pm	No One Knows The Day... But It's Coming No one knows the day... but it's coming There are a lot of things in my life that I'm unsure of... actually it's mostly everything.  Now this isn't philosophical or enlightening, but simply the truth.  I'm not saying anything like "expect the unexpected" because most people probably live lives where from day to day that can expect to do certain things...  Not I however.  I never know what I'm doing or whats going on... or where I'll be in a week from now let alone a year... my main question is how I've gone thus far and remained undead. No it's not because I'm a great adventurer and do daring things like scale mountains or jump out of planes. In reality you can usually find me doing the same ordinary thing... I'm either on my favorite bar stool at LeAnna's, outside on the bench at LeAnna's, on Lisa's couch, Amber's porch, Bean's or at Jon's... BUT... I am ALWAYS doing something completely and utterly outrageous or stupid. One time I got stuck between the toilet and the bathroom stall wall and Lisa had to come get me out... after of course I lit my hair on fire, fell in the parking lot, threatened to jump off the bridge if I couldn't smoke... I've fallen off the side of a cliff in PA trying to pee at 4 am, I got stuck in a tree about a month ago... I needed a doctors note for missing work because of my knee (it was one weekend I missed) and I haven't worked in three months because apparently something major was wrong with it... Craziness is what my life is full of... You see, I'm just incredibly dangerous to myself. So... with that said... there are lots of things I am unsure of... but there was two things I have been completely SURE of... A) one day I was going to get the shit beat out of me for saying something horrible to someone. Usually... it's just sarcasm and joking... and some people don't get such concepts. The problem with A) is that it finally happened... someone FINALLY punched me in the face a whole bunch of times... so now there is just one thing I'm sure of that is B) One day I'm going to turn my car on and it's going to blow up. That's just how it's going to happen. Not because someone wants to kill me... I mean I'm sure there are people that want to kill me, but they're probably banking on the fact that I'm going to do something retarded and kill myself at anytime now. No my car is going to blow up on it's own free will, and I thought today was going to be the day... Now mind you all, I have the same car I had since college. Sans the rearview mirror, working breaks, weather strips, ceiling and plus broken tail lights on both side. All things that aren't difficult to fix... or probably expensive ... but I just don't feel like doing it. I turned my car on today and it started growling and shaking... and I thought the day had come. I was wrong... I'm going to miss that car when it does blow up... I think it's only held together by the billions of stickers I put on it... and possibly the jelly that John Turin put on the handle two summers ago... yes... there's still remains of it. Why will it blow up? It's a 90 Buick and nothing major has ever been wrong with it... it's almost indestructable... and I haven't changed the oil in close to a year. It's been to IL and back countless times, I drove an hour to work every day when I was there... and do it now (when I'm working)... the only proper way for it to leave this world is with a huge bang... and it's probably going to be because it's sick of me. Current Mood: ditzy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2007
3:51 pm	So please be sweet my chickadee and when I kiss you just say to me, it's delightful it's delicious Hello Friends.  So I don't know if anyone else experiences this... but theres a day... a glorious day in Spring, when I walk outside and I notice that everything is green.  It's if I'm unaware that things are starting to be green and that life is coming back after the death of winter passes... but I always walk out and look down the street and see all the trees and notice... It's GREEN... spring is HERE! That happened a couple weeks ago and I was absolutely delighted. let's see where do I begin...  let's back track to about a week ago.  I go to a party I don't really want to be at because my friend Sean is whining and begging, and I immediately go upstairs and go to sleep in the host's room.  I was alone.  ENTER: crazy ass chick beating on the door. I open the door and she starts screaming and yelling about me being in Aaron's room... apparently she wants to hook up with him or some snot. I explain that I have a boyfriend and am in no way trying to hook up with anyone I'm just sick and I'm tired... I move out of the room. Crazy Girl proceeds to talk about me and I can hear her downstairs.  She's talking about me to the guy that I punched in the face 3 weeks ago at the same house.  Why did I punch him?   He wouldn't stop touching me and I pushed him and he threw me into a damn wall... and I hit him and said "if you plan on hitting me back you better kill me because I'm going to kick your ass".  Someone broke it up.   Anyway I called him a molestor the nite of the Crazy Girl party.  He was trying to touch me AGAIN. So he was downstairs talking to Crazy Girl about it.  I come down and tell them to quit talking shit or say it to my face.  Crazy Girl says "we're not talking about you". Then proceeds to continue "why does she think she's so cool... why does she think she's so pretty" Me: Stop talking about me... I don't think anything right now except that I want to sleep CG: you think you're hot shit Me: I'm a fuckin rockstar, that's why (at this point I'm annoyed and I'm just adding fuel to her fire) I walk away and she continues to talk. Me: I LOVE your eyebrows CG: I don't get them done Me: Clearly.  You should start.  Make up wouldn't hurt either. This is where I get knocked down and my head slams into a cabinet.  Crazy Girl is on top of me and punches me in the face. I knock her off and say "I'm not fighting you". I explain that it's 3:30 am, we're in a neighborhood in PENNSVILLE and these fools are loud... and if the cops come which I thought was more then likely going to happen, I wasn't getting my name taken for fighting.  If anything is on my record when they do a background check I could lose my job.  I don't know why I was feeling so responsible... but with every sentence I said I got another punch in the face.  Nice.  I left with cuts under my eye, a few bruises... Bonnie Walsh got punched in the face .. FINALLY.  Now you see, it's been a long time coming... I've deserved it for SO LONG... because I don't have that filter from the brain to the mouth ... well not a good filter anyway... so I do say a lot of things that deserve a punch.  NOT BY THIS BROAD THOUGH. Anyway...  yesterday we were at LeAnna's bar cuz Amber was working.  If anyone remembers my badmitten stories you'll be happy to hear that SPIKEY McSPIKERSON himself... was there with my friends Ethan and Ricky.  Are you serious!?... FREAKIN SPIKEY McSPIKERSON... I gave him hell and told him I knew he targeted me... for his spikes... and I also told him I gave him that name. HAHAH I rock. Oh yea... I have a boyfriend... one that I like... those two things NEVER happen! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
5:15 pm	The Peaunt War has been lost. Ok, we know about my qualms with the peanuts... Battle #!- Politely suggesting my mother explore other options.... Today I asked Ginny, "Gins, do you think maybe you could find another favorite snack?", as she was eating the evil legumes ... and she replied "do you think you could find maybe a million dollars or maybe your own house". Battle #1 was lost. Battle #2- Seizing the peanuts and hiding them AGAIN When Ginny was turned around I took the bag of peanuts and I hid them near the "creepy doll who leans against the wall andwho looks like a small child possibly taking part in a game of hide n seek until you turn the child around and low and behold it has no damn face".  No one really goes around creepy doll, because she's... a little unnerving and (the only reason she's in my house is because my favorite aunt gave it to my mom, and apparently thinks this faceless entity is cute)., so I figured no one would find them.  Everyone hates creepy doll but my mom doesn't want to tell my aunt so she keeps it.  ANYWAY....  the peanuts are currently still there.... BUT... yes of course there is a but... I walked into the kitchen and I see that Ginny has a half eaten bag of peanuts in her hand and is pouring some into a nice little dish... Me: w..w.. where... did you get those!? Gins: *maniacal laugh* ... you can't hide the peanuts, I know to have back up.... continues laughing.... Battle #2... Looked hopeful... but lost as well. I went to the doctor today.  The ligament isn't torn... but... I have to have physical therapy for a month and still can't work.... AMAZING. I'm bored! anywway... everyone pray for Amy because she's sick :(... and we love her.  She's also yellow.  hee hee.  sorry. take care everyone! Current Mood: mischievous (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 14th, 2007
3:14 pm	Lozenges are for sell outs. I have to quit smoking.  I loath the fact that I have to quit.  I've had a box of lozenges for 3 weeks.  I stare at them every day.  I'm leading a new, almost straight edge existance.  I even pulled out my old "It's ok no to drink" shirt.   The hardest thing is the smoking.  Everything else had a shelf life anyway... that scene got old.  Part of me miss who I was just a few years ago.  I miss that girl incredibly sometimes.   This morning I woke up and put a lozenge in my mouth... and I said "NO I DONT WANT TO QUIT ... and spit the evil demon out".  I have no choice tho, I have to ... I have think about how expensive and disgusting it is... I have to remember the horrible effects it has on the body... But I can't... I simply... enjoy it. any advice? (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 13th, 2007
6:00 pm	Blog time... like hammer-time but blog writing style I don't really know why I'm writing a Blog, except for I feel like writing and I'm bored.  "You feel like writing Bonnie? then why isn't that damn book finished yet?" you may ask.  Well only if you're Rod Kim would you ask, because no one else besides my mother probably cares.  No wait I lied, Jenny cares... this is why... I have the beggining and the end done... I have the middle mostly done... but I have to fix a few things and clean a few things out... and I have a headache ... so I'd rather not write the book right now, I have to be in a the mood of the character I'm writing about, and when I write about Ruth I have to be somber and nostalgic, and I'm not not.  Hmmm unless I work on the beginning where she's bitchy and vindictive... not really feeling that either folks. heh. anyway... PEANUTS... let's talk about them.  Ok I came home to clean the house, because Gins was in a bad mood this morning and I was trying to help her out... but I had to wait until people dropped lisa's furniture off, because she was at work and asked for the favor. I came home and started to clean.  Bill Walsh came home and was being... um Bill Walsh, and I didn't want to be bothered.  I wanted to clean. Then Gins comes home, and my dear mother breaks out the damn peanuts. Now... peanuts are fine... if you're at the CIRCUS or maybe a baseball game.  Now these aren't just peanuts... they're peanuts in their shells and in a noisy plastic bag. See this is the problem, I HATE... when people eat crunchy food around me.  I dunno why but it drives me insane.  Especially if I'm not in a fantastic mood to begin with.  Well maybe that's a lie... it's more like... say I won the lottery (which is nearly impossible since I don't play it but just go with this hypothetical situation), say I won a 100 million dollars and someone called me to tell me.  Because I didn't know... and that person then started eating potato chips on the phone... my mood would go from ecstatic to irate in probably 3 seconds. I dunno why... but I JUST FUCKING HATE IT. Now... potato chips are a far lesser demon then peanuts, which my family is obsessed with.  My parents sit on the couch with the loud plastic bag, and another empty shopping bag for the shells... and then they crunch the shells, and eat the damn peanut... and it annoys the hell out of me.  Luky for me I'm not really ever at this house to hear it... but lately... since I'm not working... I have been. Today however, it was in the kitchen.  They had the peanut fiesta in the kitchen as I had a headache and was trying to clean around them. So I hid them. When they weren't paying attention... that's right folks... I hid the peanuts.  Apparently not very well because when my father noticed they were missing it only took him a few minutes to find them in the living room. My mission failed. My headache is still here. to hell with peanuts. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: peanut crunching. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
1:04 pm	it's colder than it oughta be in march hey guess what!?  I DONT WORK AT THE DINER ANYMORE!.  This is my yearly update...  I work for Ranch Hope now, but... not at the ranch with the boys, I work at their girl division.  I work in a behavior modification program with some CRAZY chicks.  I love them tho. I have to restrain people... like are you serious!? ME... trying to take someone down.  Sometimes they just do things so I restrain them because everyone likes to watch.  I fall pretty much everytime... but I always come out on top! Let's see... since last year I've had 3 boyfriends... ummmm... Steve was from May until late Novemember... and then there was Rockstar from Dec to January... and then Rob... for like five minutes in February.  None of them really life changing... well at the time maybe I thought Steve was... everyone I knew refferred to him as "Skeve" so maybe that should've been an indicator. I moved back home... and now with my lovely "real job" money I'm trying to get out of some debt and possibly move out again.  I really miss IL... but I dunno if I could leave my family and go that far again.  Only cuz it'd really upset them.  Lisa just got a job working at the shelter part of where I work.  The shelter is connected to our house but it's not a program.  She's in orientation today and hopefully this will be a good thing.  It'd be cool to have her that close and to semi work together again... I've missed that. Other then that what do I do?.... hmmm Monday's at LeAnnas to see Amber and crowd.  I've been up in Reading a lot lately... visiting/getting pissed at Jesse for being... Jesse...  I chill with Lisa... and my platonic soul mate Gina... Bean's coffee shop on thursdays and fridays is pretty much the highlight of my life...heh. I think my license may be currently suspended for an overdue ticket.  I'm taking care of that this week.. but I'm constantly scared to death everytime I drive... I don't want to be arrested. Ummmmmmmm I hang out with my sister a lot. I love that girl.... let's see... that about covers it... take care anyone reading this... I wonder if anyone still has livejournal. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
2:38 pm	Oh shit ... she's updating Alrite... what to say what to say... did you people in livejournal land miss me... yeah you did. Ok so I'm working at the diner.. HAHA yeah you thought that changed?! no way. I've developed a habit of asking strangers if they have "the gay". I feel like I have the right to do this now that I have two close gay friends... I think I should carry a card that says "I heart gay people so I can ask anyone I want if they've been bitten by the gay bug". So, saw Augustana in Philly Saturday. Can you guys believe that? Augustana... our Greenville band that could be heard at any given moment in the blackroom... on tour on stage... headlining in Philly. pretty cool huh? That was after of course Lisa and I ran away from Jersey over night... and continued to hide from our job the weekend and pretend that we didn't have one. People hate us when we do that... I love it... it gives me an expansion on the clientel I can question on being gay. Let's see... so we ended up in Reading after hitting every bar from DE to Reading and ... even bars that make Theo's look like a New York club. I heart Reading, it makes me giggle. In other events... well there are none... not that I feel like discussing anyway... because if I started the equation + 2 long islands... I'd have to talk about the hair catching fire... leading up to flipping off the waiter... and eventually ending with "why did you park outside lisa?" apparently I was cold and thought it'd be a better idea for her to park in the living room.... trust me it's long you guys really want to hear all of it. ha. love all ya'll. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
2:22 pm	No one told me it was gonna rain today.... I am lost and lonely i drift in space my dreams are haunted by her face blessed are the drifters, the stars that die whose light expires, before goodbyes goodbye, goodbye Brave Saint Saturn It's cloudy, cold, and very dark. How perfect for the 29th of September, which always begins with a sense of somberness and remembering. My eyes open, and every 9/29 I awake with the thought "Jenn died today". Let me start out with Monday before I go into the usual 29th writing and blabbering... This past Monday I sat inside of Sharptown Church, a place that was at one time "home" to me. Now remember, I haven't been back there since Sam passed away last winter. Partly because I remember how my shows were looked down upon (by a few people who later apologized), and because the way they sang Amazing Grace and I couldn't bear to sit and cry for Sam for myself, and mostly because of how I feel about myself as a person. Sharptown holds many memories for me, of who I was and what I wanted to accomplish... and I sit and remember I'm very far from that place now... But this Monday was different, this Monday wasn't for me or even God, but for Mollie Halter, and mostly for my cousin. Jessica's friend died last week of basically a heart attack, an unexplainable eruption of her heart... and we don't know why. That isn't the main point... the main point is this girl was 17 years old and probably never realized that death could strike at any time for any reason... or possibly no reason at all. She probably didn't realize... neither did anyone around her. I sat there in this once familiar place and I cried... I cried because I like to not remember the ones of lost and the fact that I've lost them. In my mind they've moved away and we lost touch. It's easier... it's easier until days like Monday slap you in the face and everything you've ever felt bad about surfaces and drowns you. This is what Monday brought for me. I got the most sad when I realized I don't remember a lot about Jenn, I remember she died, I can recount every detail of every second of that day. Every feeling I felt that still haunts me on random days of the year... I remember for lunch that day I ate a cheese sandwhich on white bread... and this was 8 years ago. Often though I don't recall the night I slept over and when I was sleeping she put on a record of "Hey Jude" and twirled around her living room, because she wanted me to wake up and be happy with her. I forget that her favorite perfume was peppermint and reminded me of mouthwash... I never think about her wanting to have a seance' the night of her birthday party a week before she died, and how she kept yelling at me for joking around... Actually I just remembered that as I was writing this... how ironic... to have a seance' the week before you, yourself will die. I only remember these things when I look through her scrapbook, one of my favorite possessions, because it holds things that I can rarely re-count. That's odd for me. I can remember an order for 12 people down to who wants pickles and who wants extra cheese on their sandwiches, but I can't remember one of my favorite friends. I can't remember it because it hurts... and I can't ever get past the fact that she's gone to remember the life she lived. That's sad. I ate eggs for breakfast today, and I know why. When I knew Jenn I used to eat extremely healthy I would rarely eat eggs because of the cholesterol or peanutbutter because the fat content was so high... One day we were walking through the park and she said "Bonnie you're 16 years old you don't have to worry about CHOLESTEROL!"... and even wrote in my yearbook that I should eat peanutbutter... Bonnie you're only 16 years old... you have a lot of years. Well Jenn you were 16 too... and you didn't. You didn't have a lot of years or even one full year left after that talk... and it wasn't eggs or peanutbutter... it was a bad decision at EXACTLY the right moment... because if you had wated maybe 20 seconds you would've seen that car. I guess you were right Jenn... in a way. You were yelling at me not to worry about such stupid things and you were singing that "when she walks she struts her stuff" song... in public and you didn't care... you were laughing and you were living... and that's what is most important about your passing ... you have to live because you don't EVER know when it will stop being an option. I miss you Darling... Love, Bonnie. Current Mood: melancholy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 16th, 2005
1:13 pm	alert the media, I'm updating I'm addicted to chess, thanks to Beans Coffee Shop. Addicted... I have a yahoo screen name so I can go on and play chess for HOURS... like seriously HOURS.... I'm a dork right? Well that's fine... cuz I love it. Hmmm so I got my job back at the diner, and I had real job folks... A REAL ONE... at a preschool, then I quit. Seriously... I think I have an issue with spontaneously quitting jobs... I just like grabbed my stuff and was like "yeah I'm going to go" when questioned I said "I just don't think I want to be here anymore". I miss my kids... I loved the kids in my class, but my boss' were absolutely and utterly ridiculous... and lied about a few things... Fuck that noise. So I'm just at the diner. And... I am taking BadMitten so I can finally get my degree from Greenville. I love it, I had so much fun in class the other nite. Though I had flashbacks of gym class and was scared to death at one point the instructor would say "Ok to change things up we're going to now use THE BIG BALL". The freakin big ball was the epitome of hell... because it was bigger then my car... and once it landed on me... causing me to drop to the ground like a fool. However, there was no "BIG BALL" and everything was pretty normal... until someone on the opposing team messed up their attemtped spike and I laughed "Who's COOL NOW!?!?!?!?" and was told not to berate the other people in the class. I'm a bit out of control, but it was fun just the same. Other then that I'm working on getting a new car and getting the hell out of my house... anyone who wants to contribute... JUST LET ME KNOW. ha. Well I had a small contribution... a mexican from work gave me 20 bucks to kiss him on the lips for 2 sec.... AND HECK YEAH I TOOK THAT SHIT. hahaha alrite that's all guys. Love, Bonnie Current Mood: lethargic (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
3:41 pm	throat=dog food So guys, I was at my friends last nite, and I was playing with her dog... who was sleeping right before I sat with him. I love Obie, he's the cutest sweetest dog on the planet until he's grouchy and for some reason decides to bite my eye (underneath) and my throat. Now I have this disgusting wound over my trachea and feel sad cuz now I'm slightly afraid of Obie. Whatever man. Ok so ... I went to IL a couple weeks ago and my flight was scheduled a day later then I thought... and yeah the Diner fired me. Maybe they forget about the time I worked 18 days straight, or when I'd go up at midnight and do the computer so Eva wouldn't have to, or when I closed the restraunt alone after I worked alone for the afternoon on a snow day, or the zillion times I stayed from morning to close for people... the list could go on. I mean I imagine it's the best thing, I needed to quit... I need to get a real job and a real life, tho being broke right now isn't so hot. In other news, Dan... my one time favorite person in the world... ran away from home. Apparently he's seen me when I've been out looking for him. But he remains in hiding, I suppose he thinks I'd rat him out or take him home. And I would... so good decision on that. Alrite kids take care Love Bonnie (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
2:57 am	I was even havin a good day when we found out I lost you from a message in September. Never stay mad. Never stay mad longer then a few minutes because you never know when a petty fight can end with you placing down flowers next to your friends corpse, wishing you had done something different. Don't even wait that long to give your friends flowers, because they can't enjoy them anymore. Give them flowers, give them love, when they're alive. Let them know how important they are and never wait till it's too late They didn't regret informing us as much as I regretted hearing. As much as I would regret not telling her everything I thought, not telling her sorry, not getting over the rediculous fight as quickly as I should have. Nah, when I saw those flowers there next to her casket that said "Friend", I can't explain to you enough about the guilt and regrett that had taken form into my heart. It hurt. It still hurts. Every 29th I put flowers out by the street, and if I'm in IL Katie does it for me. It sucks, it's always going to be there and it's never going to go away. when people prove false to you. and hurt you, you can forgive them. but does it mean you still have to keep them as a friend? In this case maybe. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
2:52 am	when tears are in your eyes I will dry them all... So sometimes I like to analyze everyone in my life. I know the people I can really talk to, and the people who just pretend to listen. I don't think I could've been more obvious then a month ago and I was basiccally screaming "help me!!!", all I needed to do was talk, get it all out, cry, and realize that there's has to be a rock bottom before you can improve. I was there, I thought existance might be meaningless. at least mine. The girl who everyone loved being around because she was so happy and genuine, well she's buried and probably suffocating to death. Then when people decide to confront me with this reality. and remind me how happy I once was, and how I'm not anymore. That's crying material. GUESS WHAT GUYS, I'm NOT MYSELF LATELY. Red flags Red flags, but thanks to those of you who decided to maliciously remind me. I don't know much else to say, I just wish things were different, but where do wishes get us? I blew every wishie I saw when I was 5 and wished that my dog who we gave away and my cat would come home. They never did. It's a ridiculous example, but it proves wishes get us nowhere... unless were FIVE. When you're 24 you need to make things happen, face that you suck and change it, and until then happiness is virtually impossible. Furthermore, the friends who I liked the best weren't that reliable when everything happened. The friends I thought were good friends, decided to label me as miserable, and proved to me they had no clue and probably didn't care. But there are a few friends that I could go to with anything at anytime and I love that. I talked to Pfeffer for like a million hours tonite, but it seemed like five minutes, because we can talk about anything for hours, and I love that.... I'm glad I found her, sometimes I might be lost without her making me laugh every five seconds, just talking to me, just being sad with me... and I'd do the same for her any time no questions asked. Cuz thats what friends do... even the unhappy ones. Current Music: rilo kiley (Comment on this)
2:48 am	bad days Don't you love it when you say it's the worst day of your life, and someone somewhere says "Ha Ha" I'll show you. The week after the job thing, I found out one of the kids that came to my shows and I had talked to at the diner... and had a very good convo with one nite, that changed me a lot... killed himself. I'm sitting at home right now and I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I know the show on 4th is definately keeping me here for now, because I would probably regret that for the rest of my life. We all had a discussion to nite, all of us minus Katie. It was how I predicted it for the most part, and here I am feeling completely drained... with my eyes swollen from crying... and feeling more and more... like a bad person. That is my biggest fear in life... I could be poor, working as a waitress, and totally stressed about everything.. but in the end I wouldn't want to be lonely, hurtful, or a bad person. Leaving here makes me hurt my parents, it makes them worry... living here hurts everyone and especially me. I'm usually not selfish... not overly. but right now... I feel that whoever was inside of me... and whatever is left of them will be demolished and I will become a zombie. There is a lot of hurt in the world. We're still mourning Sam. We're still wondering why... still thinking we could've done more... and I feel that too. He was one of my "kids" from the shows... he was someone I'd talk to or try and help if he needed anything. He and the rest of the kids are what I actually came back here for. They mean a lot to me. Them sitting in the diner or at my shows acting like jackasses.... is awesome. They're cool kids and I always hope the best for them... and when the worst happens it's hard to deal with. It's been extremely hard to deal with when it's during the same time as I lost my job and have been having a rough time at home... it makes everything have a dark cloud around it.... and thank God for my friends, right now they're whats keeping my mind straight. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 6th, 2005
2:24 pm	The 8th Worst Day of My Life So I haven't updated it 3 or 4 months. I've been busy with work and shows and friends... and whatever else. I've been happy. Not yesterday tho. Let me tell you all in cyber world how happy I was being manager of this Restraunt here in South Jersey. I loved it, I love my boss who I was totally close to and talked to about everything. I love my job and that I could use my brain and creativity for marketing and such. I loved most of the people I worked with. I loved the money. I thought FINALLY, I found a way to live and not have to scrounge for money constantly or wear a dumb waitress uniform. I was doing something I absolutely LOVED. Then my boss (the one I love) tells me he can't afford me. NO WAIT.... CALLS ME... to tell me. He couldn't say it to my face cuz I was so "wonderful" and he felt "so bad" and bs bs bs. So I yelled and cried... and barfed. Because that's what I do when I am horribly upset. So I worked at the diner last nite... and moped around... and bitched... then drank some sour apple martinis... and Mike took me home. Mike is one of the guys I worked with. Mike is nice and I like him for now. I guess we're dating... he gave me a dozen roses on Christmas and that was amazing. The 8th worse day of my life... well I counted all the other worst days... where loved ones died... or I did something horrible... and this is around the 8th. Because for once I had direction... I was going to save and move out and get a car... and now I'm a waitress... AGAIN. I'm miserable. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: early november (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
11:24 am	The summer of 96 my sister told me about a new girl living in town, named Jenn, she had a little brother and sister that went to the play group at school during the summer. Jenn was in my grade and I did meet her that year in 10th grade. We became friends right away, and she fit into our little group of four very well. I remember going over to her house and her yelling at me, because I didn't eat eggs or peanutbutter because of fat and cholesterol. She even wrote about it in my yearbook. I remember a pool party we had the next summer where I told her to start a whirl pool, and she didn't know how. When I told her we had to circle around the pool she stood in the middle and spun herself around. I remember yelling at a lady in Macy's because she wouldn't call Jenn's name over the loud speaker when we couldn't find her in the mall right before her birthday party. I remember that Jenn would only go into Shifty's with me, because she hated it and only didn't mind if I was there. I remember taking pictures of her Pam and Betsy that night dressed up in gowns pretending to be miss america... I remember planning to bring them to school and laugh at them. I didn't know she'd die with them in her hand. Jenn was a goofball, and I miss that the most. She would always be doing something random and goofy, and I can still remember her voice and laugh and the way she'd always be talking about something random. She was fun, a lot of fun.... and we were a lot of fun together. ' I was sixteen, I woke up that morning to go to school, and I overheard my mom and my sister arguing. My mom said "don't ever go to bed angry, because you never know what could happen, you never know how long people are here to say you're sorry". That stuck with me all that morning, it was in my head and the day just started on such a somber note. The skies where a faint grey but it wasn't rainding, and there was a slight chill in the air. Something wasn't right. When I got on my bus for school, the bus driver told me she saw the most terrible thing in the world, someone who had just been hit by a car. I would find out a few hours later, that she saw my Jenn. Jenn went to school early that day with pictures in her hand, that I had taken only a week before. After that day of her party, I hadn't talked to her much because we were arguing, one of the last convos we had was fighting over a chair in drama class. Never stay mad. Never stay mad longer then a few minutes because you never know when a petty fight can end with you placing down flowers next to your friends corpse, wishing you had done something different. Don't even wait that long to give your friends flowers, because they can't enjoy them anymore. Give them flowers, give them love, when they're alive. Let them know how important they are and never wait till it's too late. Then I stumble upon God, and I can say that I don't believe this happened for a reason. I don't believe in predestination, I don't believe they needed another angel in heaven. That's a load of crap. She was being her normal air head like self, and walked in front of a stupid truck and died. That's it, I don't feel better thinking, "it was her time to go", because it wasn't, she was 16 freakin years old, so give me a break with that one. A lot of people believe in accidents and things it happened for a reason. If so people, then do people get raped and murdered for a reason? Is that part of "God's plan". You can't be in favor of the things that make you feel better, and disregard the horrible things that happen in this world. They said over the loud speaker that they "regret to inform us, Jennifer Lynn Grabowski died that morning, on September 29th, and 9 something in the morning". They didn't regret informing us as much as I regretted hearing. As much as I would regret not telling her everything I thought, not telling her sorry, not getting over the rediculous fight as quickly as I should have. Nah, when I saw those flowers there next to her casket that said "Friend", I can't explain to you enough about the guilt and regrett that had taken form into my heart. It hurt. It still hurts. Every 29th I put flowers out by the street, and if I'm in IL Katie does it for me. It sucks, it's always going to be there and it's never going to go away. Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)